Jews Hate
Hanukkah, Santa Kidnaps Kids, and Other Christmas Lessons
By Chris Sabga
I
admit it: I am a sucker for Christmas movies. No matter how cheery or
cheesy they are, I just can't get enough!
Everyone
knows the classics of Christmas cinema, but here are a few you may
not have heard of...
Switchmas: A young boy, Ira Finkelstein,
hates being Jewish and wishes his family could celebrate Christmas
instead. Well, okay, he only hates being Jewish during Christmas
season. Either way, he's obsessed with Christmas trees and
Jingle Bells. He dreams of a White Christmas, but he's a California
kid who has never even seen snow. To make matters even worse, his
parents want to ship him off to Florida – also bereft of the sticky
white sludge – because they'll be too busy with work to celebrate
Hanukkah. At the airport, poor Ira meets another boy who lives in a
snowy climate and would love to spend Christmas in the sun. So, you
guessed it, they switch places This well-worn device is actually more
logical here than usual because both kids' relatives haven't seen
them in years. One of the grandparents is played by the incredible
Elliott Gould, who makes the most of every movie and role he's
in. In this case, he's the best Jewish grandpa ever.
"Switchmas" is hardly great art, and it may not ever make
anyone's top ten list of Christmas movies, but it's a fun flick with
a nice message. The highlight: finding out who really wrote
all of those famous Christmas movies and songs. My mind was blown by
the revelation!
Rare Exports: A
Christmas Tale: Santa Claus is
a jolly fat man who climbs down chimneys, wolfs down cookies, sucks
down milk, and throws down gifts for all the good little boys and
girls in the world. Someone
forgot to let the folks in Finland know that. There, Santa is an
ancient evil who kidnaps and kills little kids. As dark and
depressing as that may sound, "Rare Exports" is actually a
delightful little film. It's one of the most original – and twisted
– Christmas movies I've had
the pleasure of celebrating the yuletide with.
The Heart of
Christmas: Is there such a
thing as Tragedy Porn? Because "The Heart of Christmas" is
it. I honestly can't
comment on the merits
of the script or the quality of the performances. I
just don't know. All I do
know is that the true story of Dax Locke, a toddler struck by cancer,
makes for one of the most gut-wrenching films I have ever
seen. Your heart is made of stone if you can get through this
without wiping your eyes. Is it emotional manipulation at its finest?
Probably. But it works.
The Sons of
Mistletoe: A small town foster
home for boys has been sold by a big city executive (played by
"Touched by an Angel's" Roma Downey). The man running it
(portrayed by the warm George Newbern) actually grew up there
himself. Featuring touching performances and a sweet story, this is
one of the nicest, gentlest holiday movies you'll come across.
Despite being a staple at any Walmart or K-Mart bargain bin, "The
Sons of Mistletoe" is worth far more than the asking price.
It Came Upon the
Midnight Clear: I hesitate to
even mention this all but forgotten Christmas TV movie from 1984
because it's still
not officially available on DVD, Blu-Ray, or streaming – and even
VHS copies fetch a premium price. But if you were around back then,
you undoubtedly remember this heartwarming holiday classic starring
Mickey Rooney and Scott Grimes about a
grandfather who comes back from Heaven to spend one last Christmas
with his grandson in New York City. It is still my favorite Christmas
movie of all time.
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