Review: Pain & Gain

Over Two Hours of Pain I'll Never Gain Back

By Chris Sabga

Release Date: April 26, 2013 – U.S.

Rating: R

Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama

Running Time: 129 minutes

Director: Michael Bay

Writers: Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely 

(screenplay), Pete Collins (magazine articles)

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, 

Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub, Ed Harris, 

Rob Corddry, Bar Paly, Rebel Wilson, Ken Jeong, 

Michael Rispoli, Keili Lefkovitz, Emily Rutherfurd

"Pain & Gain" seemingly has so much going for it: great actors, memorable performances, an over-the-top plot with wild action to match, and it's based on a true story (clearly embellished, but still). Yet, somehow, the majority of it feels like an absolute slog to get through. Similar to the steroid abusers it depicts, it's big and bloated for no reason. Big, bloated, and boring.

Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) is a personal trainer at Miami's Sun Gym. Find the biggest, "trendiest" fitness center in any city, and they'll all be the same: Half of the customers will be grotesque muscleheads who can't resist the sight of their own reflection while the other half will be a mixture of fat women, out-of-shape middle-aged men, and the elderly. Victor Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub, "Monk") falls into the latter category. He's a 50-something-year-old rich Jew who doesn't really consider himself a gym guy. In case we're unclear on any of these points, he wears a gold Star of David necklace, brags about his finances incessantly, and isn't exactly matching Walhberg's character move-for-move in the muscle or fitness department.

Lugo wants his piece of the "American dream." He gets paid well, but not well enough. In his mind, he deserves more. He comes up with an idea and convinces his roided-up, limp-dicked co-worker, Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie), to join him. Together, they recruit Paul Doyle (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson), a recovering alcoholic ex-con who's also a Born Again Christian. In case we're unclear on any of those points, he quotes Alcoholics Anonymous, talks about his past in prison, and has a giant gold cross around his neck that swings like bling-bling.

Their plan: to kidnap Kershaw and steal his money.

Up until this point, "Pain & Gain" is good fun. The characters are appealing and the movie doesn't appear to take itself too seriously at first. Unfortunately, the kidnapping scenario is too long, too dark, and just too dull. It drags the film down a cliff from which it never really recovers. With that said, there is one memorable scene in this stretch of the story – involving the respective religious beliefs of Doyle and Kershaw.

In fact, there are a lot of good little moments here and there – you could create a highlight reel of them – but the movie itself never seems to come together.

Several notable comedic actors are cast in strong supporting roles: Ken Jeong (Chow in the "Hangover" movies) shows up as one of those cheesy infomercial speakers who inspires Lugo with clichéd affirmations, Rebel Wilson (Fat Amy in "Pitch Perfect") plays a medical professional who helps Anthony Mackie's character in more ways than one, and Rob Corddry ("Warm Bodies") appears as the owner of the gym who gets a little too involved in his employees' dealings.

Later on, Ed Harris jumps into the action as a retired P.I. and Emily Rutherfurd is memorable as his much younger, very plucky wife.

The three stars of the film – Mark Wahlberg, The Rock, and Anthony Mackie – are all superb. Wahlberg does a tremendous job of conveying his steroid-fueled anger, sheer desperation, and sociopathic lack of concern for all the wrong he's done. The Rock delivers what may be the best performance of his career. He completely disappears into the role. It's a shame he didn't have a better movie to work with. Mackie is his usual solid self. He credibly handles certain characteristics that would have killed a lesser actor.

"Pain & Gain" features wonderful acting, great characters, fast action, and big moments that will remain etched in your memory – but despite all of that, the final product is somehow much less than the sum of its parts.

It just doesn't work.

Like the decaying brain of a steroid junkie, Michael Bay's latest film may be a case of too much flash and not enough substance.

• The original magazine articles by Pete Collins: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3

Review: Warm Bodies

Not Your Typical Zombie Movie

By Chris Sabga

Release Date: February 1, 2013 – U.S.

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Comedy, Horror, Romance

Running Time: 98 minutes

Director: Jonathan Levine    

Writers: Jonathan Levine (screenplay), 

Isaac Marion (novel)

Cast: Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, 

Analeigh Tipton, Rob Corddry, 

Dave Franco, John Malkovich

Zombies are dead and eat human brains, but other than that, they're just like you and I.

In "Warm Bodies," the world has been overtaken by the undead. The cause is unknown, but the effect is obvious: zombies now outnumber people. The surviving humans have been plunged into an apocalyptic wasteland. Teenagers are turned into trained soldiers.

In other words, the setup for every zombie movie ever made.

Not so fast! Right from the very beginning, it's obvious that "Warm Bodies" isn't your ordinary, everyday flick about the sluggishly slow. The movie starts out with a narration from a teenage boy named R (Nicholas Hoult, "About a Boy"). He's one of the zombies. Narration from a zombie? Well, that's unusual.

R's best friend is M (Rob Corddry, not Judi Dench). You can see his pain and hopelessness. Their "rapport" is one of the highlights of the film. It's a rare dramatic role for Corddry, and he nails it!

But R is different. That becomes obvious after he encounters Perry (Dave Franco, brother of James), who tries to kill him. He's one of those teenage soldiers I mentioned above. With him are his girlfriend, Julie (Teresa Palmer), and her best friend, Nora (Analeigh Tipton, who was great as the babysitter in "Crazy, Stupid, Love"). They're also soldiers. Times are tough!

They're under the command of Julie's dad (John Malkovich). Years of tragedy have made him lose perspective. He has become obsessed with wiping out the zombie plague. Everything else is secondary – including what's left of his family.

R has an opportunity to kill Julie, but he protects her instead. Not typical zombie-like behavior, but then, there's nothing typical about "Warm Bodies" at all. The friendship that develops between R and Julie is one of the reasons why. Julie isn't the pathetic, fawning Bella Swan of the "Twilight" series, who trips over herself to inhale the fumes of her pale, sparkling, distant, emotionally abusive vampire lover.

Even though R is among the walking dead and Julie is a frightened girl, they still somehow manage to make a typical teenage connection. In many ways, R's altered state symbolizes the awkwardness and anxiety that come with being that age. Using a zombie backdrop to explore those complex feelings and emotions is a flat-out brilliant storytelling device.

I'll be perfectly honest: I hate zombies in general. They're slow, boring, and have no personality. I go out of my way to avoid anything featuring these brainless mutants from the monster kingdom's third world. I'm told "The Walking Dead" is amazing television, and I will give in and watch it eventually. I also have very little interest in the upcoming "World War Z" with Brad Pitt. I'll keep an open mind though. Maybe if it were "World War V" instead and featured vampires, I would care more.

But "Warm Bodies" won me over. It's one of the most interesting, creative takes on the zombie genre that I've ever seen.